My wife and I drove home from Colorado Springs yesterday.  We watched the fireworks the night before, from a bluff that looks over the city.  My wife and sister and I sat on a rock at the edge of the bluff, and small explosions of light shone from different areas of town.  The Kissing Camels area, Downtown, some unknown area far to the south.  Fireworks are so small from a distance.  They are under-whelming.  Little flashes of light far away; they are safe and comfortable.  

We drove the hour back to Denver the following morning.  Our car overheated about halfway home.  We pulled off and I popped the hood.  Green coolant spilled from the top of the radiator, and it looked like dried toothpaste where it had splashed onto the engine and the underside of the hood.  We drove slowly into a town called Castle Rock and stopped at the first auto shop we could find.

My wife and I wandered to a library as the mechanic inspected our car.  We sat outside in a gazebo, and, since the library had wireless, surfed the internet together.  My wife was supposed to be at work.  As we sat there I fidgeted and she asked what was wrong.  I told her that I felt bad she was missing work and worried about the car.  

“Oh,” she said. “I was enjoying the morning with my husband.”

The mechanic called back and told me it would cost $1100 to fix the car.  I told him to fill it full with coolant and we were going home.  I cussed to myself.  But our car, with new coolant, did not overheat.  It was not completely fixed, but the symptoms were masked.  I dropped my wife at work and came home.  

At home, our screen door wouldn’t open.  I ripped open the screen to open it from the inside.  Our cat meowed and I was hungry and frustrated and I cussed again.  “God, where are you?” I asked aloud.  Our cat wouldn’t stop meowing and I wanted it quiet so I could hear God.

What if it doesn’t need to be quiet for me to connect with God?  What if I don’t have to have everything done and be removed from all distractions?  What if I could hear him over a meow and over my anger from the car and the door?  

Maybe the reason I didn’t like watching the fireworks the night before was the quietness: soft pops like a twig snapping in the night sky.  Fireworks are meant to be enjoyed up close, with a collective murmur among the crowd, with the continual jostling and background noise that brings energy to a group.  They are meant to light up our faces we are so close, and frighten us that some burning ember might fall on our head or shoulders.  Maybe God wants to be enjoyed like that: not only from a quiet distance but when explosions are going off in my ears and someone next to me is jostling me with an elbow and glories are flashing overhead.

Comments (1)

Kelsey Mickelson said:

response I suppose how people communicate with God is based on each person individually. I know for me I like to have it quite with minimal background noise like music or cars passing by when I go on a walk. I'm sure that you will figure out how you speak with God soon. Wether it's absolute quiet or with other people around you and you enjoy God's presense like firworks overhead. Kelsey Mickelson Aurora,Co

July 08, 2007

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